Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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