honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
