I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
