Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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