literally had 100 drinks last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
