I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
