I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
