so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
