how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
