Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
