Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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