Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
