Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
