Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we should paint friendship bongs
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