peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
