come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Vodka?
Forever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
