Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
