FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
