Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we made out on top of his cat.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
