I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
