Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You were trust falling into bushes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
