Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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