You smell like a Billy Joel song
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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