We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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