there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
