the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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