so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
