Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
