We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
