oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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