Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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