he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't put those talents on a resume
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
