I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
