I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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