Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
