I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
