Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
