I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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