are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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