good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
be right there i have to get my cape
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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