I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
