You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
