the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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