Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
