found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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