I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
