You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
