my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
