I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
