Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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