Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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