I accidentally had phone sex last night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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